Gender Violence is More Than Rape

Roozonline - No matter what the girl did to take his glance off her, he continued to stare at her. She thought perhaps one of her buttons was missing or that there was something wrong with her clothes; but everything was fine.

When she got off the cab, he followed her. When she turned into her home street, she was hoping she would see a familiar face. But he was catching up with her. The street was half lit. The suddenly she felt the clasp of a hand on her shoulder and she went numb. She couldn’t utter a word. She struggled with the man; her scarf fell off; the buttons of her coat were now torn off. Then, she put all her strength together and screamed. The man fled the scene. The girl made it home, trembling. She felt like throwing up and felt chest pains. She staggered into the bathroom as her mother followed her anxiously asking what had happened. In the bathroom, she slowly pulled herself together and when she was ready, came out. She told the story to her mother. She heard her father yell, “What were you wearing?”

Sexual violence is not limited to acts that end in rape. Many women and young girls experience sexual violence in their lifetime. Many refrain from talking about it. They live in a culture which points the finger of blame on women in such situations. Many women know that a “no” to an approaching man can mean expulsion from work and joblessness. Many have seen men who use their power and authority to eliminate women or even raise charges against them if they do not heed to their advances.

The problem with Iranian women is that they remain silent. Silent over men who allow themselves to use whatever means they have to commit violence against women.

I met a young woman six years ago who was propositioned to have sex with the father of her fiancé. This was a wealthy man who promised her a car, a house and other benefits. When she refused, he threatened her. She loved her fiancé but because of these demands decided to break off the engagement and her wedding. But till today, she has not told her fiancé or his family the true reason for her decision.

Sometime ago a group of women were raped en-masse in Khomeini Shahr. After the crime, the police chief of the city told reporters, “Had women observed the minimum hijab covering in the garden, they may have not been treated the way they were.”

Colonel Hosseinzadeh, the head of Isfahan province’s police had a similar view. He publicly said, “Unfortunately the women who were present in the garden were not wearing proper attire.” So the women who had been raped were the responsible party in the eyes of the police and the state! Other officials who “investigated” the incident and made public statements all echoed similar words and said the women’s “improper” and “provocative” clothes were the source of the problem.

One factor that allows some men to engage in violent actions against women is their power to divorce women. To them, a divorcee is a woman who is available for purchase. One of my colleagues continued to wear her wedding ring for many years after her divorce and would not tell anyone that she and her husband had been divorced. She knew that as soon as her status became public knowledge, her problems would begin. Another friend told me that she was afraid to laugh at parties because she had been a divorcee. She said she had to change the way she dressed, and gradually stay away from friendly and relaxing situations. My long-time friends did not wish me to speak even about the weather in the presence of their husbands and many husbands of my friends would propose “friendships” to me. She told me that when discussed the issue with one of her own friends, she was told that she had to be very careful about her behavior so that she would not be stereotyped and judged.

What is clear is that the range of sexual violence behavior against women is very long. When a woman is honked at by cars, motor-bikes or trucks when she is waiting to catch a cab, a form of gender trespass is committed. When a man grabs a women standing in a line or sitting next to them in a cab she feels nothing other than being trespassed. The same is true when a woman feels unsafe in cyberspace. An Iranian model living in a European city begs on her Facebook account not to be disturbed.

All I am saying is that if we really want to know whether we are a civilized people or not, we should note the way we look at and behave towards women.
by Fariba Davoodi Mohajer